Hey Everyone!!
I have decided to head back to Texas on Sunday, day after tomorrow. My original plan was to come here for two weeks...and then I had changed my mind before coming...thinking I would stay three.
I came here because I needed to get a different perspective. One of my goals for coming here was to get a "Jump Start" and fresh perspective on getting into a fitness routine. I needed to leave my comfort zone and trust in something bigger than myself. I needed to be pushed beyond what I thought was possible, in the physical workout realm. And most of all, I needed to break through the false thinking I had adopted from experiencing so much diet and relapse failure.
God has used this time in Utah in many ways. I no longer believe I cannot workout hard because I am so over weight. I no longer believe I have to eat a ton of food if I am going to workout hard. I no longer believe I am too out of shape to go on adventures. I no longer believe that my body is worn out...it is amazingly adaptable and desires to be healthy. In these two short weeks I have grown stronger and stronger and have lost some fat in the process. I am beginning to feel at peace again in my body. That is a true gift. Thank You Lord!!!
I plan on continuting my blog...even after I get home. I believe this journey has just begun...and the higher peaks to climb will happen in my day to day life back home.
It still takes at least 21 days to start a new habit and get away from old ones. I am on day 13 right now. Change is not easy...nothing worth doing ever is...I am hopeful and so very grateful for what I have been given today...
Blessings everyone...more to come...
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Climb Every Mountain...
I did it!! Thanks God!! Thanks heart and lungs and legs and abs and...
I have been dreading hikes because they have been so incredibly challenging for me. I was afraid of turning my ankles, my knees would hurt, the altitude would kill me...basically it was just a chore to endure. I only liked it when I was standing still and taking in the scenery. Well, today something different happened.
We had a really tough morning workout AGAIN and after lunch I really didn't want to go attempt another hike. But I was encouraged by others, by God and by myself (yes, I am learning to encourage, myself...).And so agreed to go. And I can tell you that I was a bit fearful on our drive out and up. (You see, hikes are optional most times. We are encouraged to challenge ourselves and sometimes some just are not up
for it and/or are not ready for it.)But somehow I just "let go" and went for it. And you know what happened? I had a great time. My feet knew what to do, I felt strong, my lungs had plenty of oxygen...I felt strong and full of childlike wonder. As I stooped down to reach into a snow melt spring, I slipped and took a plung and I just laughed. It was just what I needed...refreshment from high above...just for me. :)
I couldn't have done it on my own today. God supplied a great hiking buddy for me. He was like my "shephard". He walked directly in front of me. I simply followed in his footsteps and I had no fear whatsover about harming my ankles or my knees. As he he walked ahead, he spoke to me the whole way...all about his life, his experiences, what this journey has been like for him...we hiked and hiked and climbled and climbled...we were in step and having a blast. This friend on the trail gave me a living example of what it is supposed to be like for those of us who say we know Jesus. Jesus said that He is our shephard. He said that His sheep hear His voice and follow Him. Well today, that took on a deeper meaning. When He leads, He makes the way not only possible and do-able...but a whole lot of fun as well!! :)
Today represents my halfway point of this journey and I HAD FUN HIKING IN THE MOUNTAINS!!!
Thanks Lord for being my shephard...for walking before me every step of my life...for lighting my path and for going before me...for sharing Your Life with me along the way...and for keeping me so safe in Your care. You are awesome!!!
I have been dreading hikes because they have been so incredibly challenging for me. I was afraid of turning my ankles, my knees would hurt, the altitude would kill me...basically it was just a chore to endure. I only liked it when I was standing still and taking in the scenery. Well, today something different happened.
We had a really tough morning workout AGAIN and after lunch I really didn't want to go attempt another hike. But I was encouraged by others, by God and by myself (yes, I am learning to encourage, myself...).And so agreed to go. And I can tell you that I was a bit fearful on our drive out and up. (You see, hikes are optional most times. We are encouraged to challenge ourselves and sometimes some just are not up
for it and/or are not ready for it.)But somehow I just "let go" and went for it. And you know what happened? I had a great time. My feet knew what to do, I felt strong, my lungs had plenty of oxygen...I felt strong and full of childlike wonder. As I stooped down to reach into a snow melt spring, I slipped and took a plung and I just laughed. It was just what I needed...refreshment from high above...just for me. :)
I couldn't have done it on my own today. God supplied a great hiking buddy for me. He was like my "shephard". He walked directly in front of me. I simply followed in his footsteps and I had no fear whatsover about harming my ankles or my knees. As he he walked ahead, he spoke to me the whole way...all about his life, his experiences, what this journey has been like for him...we hiked and hiked and climbled and climbled...we were in step and having a blast. This friend on the trail gave me a living example of what it is supposed to be like for those of us who say we know Jesus. Jesus said that He is our shephard. He said that His sheep hear His voice and follow Him. Well today, that took on a deeper meaning. When He leads, He makes the way not only possible and do-able...but a whole lot of fun as well!! :)
Today represents my halfway point of this journey and I HAD FUN HIKING IN THE MOUNTAINS!!!
Thanks Lord for being my shephard...for walking before me every step of my life...for lighting my path and for going before me...for sharing Your Life with me along the way...and for keeping me so safe in Your care. You are awesome!!!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Amazing What a Week Can Do
This time last week, my mindset was, "Oh Lord, what have I gotten myself into? Can I do this and survive?" I seriously had fear before each early morning workout...wondering how I could ever make it through it and make the long walk back. Today, somehow, my thoughts were more like, "How can I work harder during this workout...how can I leave it all on the field?
The human body is an amazing thing. Already, my body is adjusting and adapting and actually wanting to work harder and harder. It is rather miraculous.
This morning was legs day and we all gave it all we had before breakfast. Immediately after breakfast we had a pool workout...I had to exit the pool because I had cramps in both legs so bad I could hardly climb out of the pool. This happened because I had already burned my legs out and didn't have anything left. It felt great to work hard and, with the help of my trainers, I got the cramps to calm down. At some point I remember telling one of the trainers how frustrating it was to have to stop with cramps. She really reframed it for me..."Susan, this is nothing...this is just cramps...you don't have to be frustrated..."
Today's group session with the therapist was really good. We talked about learning to have mastery over our emotions...so that our emotions don't rule us...and end up giving us messages to eat when we really are not physically hungry. There are several steps to gaining mastery. I will probably elaborate on those more later.What stood out to me most today was that fear is one of the main things that bogs us down...and that when we really stop and take a look at what we are afraid of...most of the stuff we find is actually not even real. This really hit me. Another thing that hit me was the discussion that most of the time when we say we are feeling "stressed" we are really feeling "fear" of something. So, the next time I am feeling stressed, I am going to stop and ask myself, "Susan, what are you afraid of?" I am going to let God's truth speak to me about fear. He says a lot about that, you know. Stuff like "perfect love casts out fear" and "be anxious for nothing" and lots of other real stuff. Basically it goes like this...untruths or unknowns or false assumptions cause fears, fears cause stress, stress causes discomfort, no one likes to be uncomfortable, food offers a quick short-term relief or distraction...over eating occurs. I like this scenario better= life happens, fear pops up, I ask God to shed light upon what I am afraid of, He sends it fleeing or gives me courage to face the real thing that is scary, I let go of the fear and stress and relax in the understanding AND EXPERIENCE of HIM HOLDING me...I let Him feed me with what I really need...I don't go to food for something food cannot really satisfy. Oh how I long to put this understanding into action...please help me Lord...I know He will and already does. :)
The people here are great. Everyone has their own stories but we are all alike in so many ways. It is truly a gift to be here...to really allow myself to be...to be...right here...right now...and to learn to be aware of all that God has to show me. I know I am only picking up small pieces of all He is showering upon me...but the stuff I see so far is amazing...He is so good, isn't He? :)
The human body is an amazing thing. Already, my body is adjusting and adapting and actually wanting to work harder and harder. It is rather miraculous.
This morning was legs day and we all gave it all we had before breakfast. Immediately after breakfast we had a pool workout...I had to exit the pool because I had cramps in both legs so bad I could hardly climb out of the pool. This happened because I had already burned my legs out and didn't have anything left. It felt great to work hard and, with the help of my trainers, I got the cramps to calm down. At some point I remember telling one of the trainers how frustrating it was to have to stop with cramps. She really reframed it for me..."Susan, this is nothing...this is just cramps...you don't have to be frustrated..."
Today's group session with the therapist was really good. We talked about learning to have mastery over our emotions...so that our emotions don't rule us...and end up giving us messages to eat when we really are not physically hungry. There are several steps to gaining mastery. I will probably elaborate on those more later.What stood out to me most today was that fear is one of the main things that bogs us down...and that when we really stop and take a look at what we are afraid of...most of the stuff we find is actually not even real. This really hit me. Another thing that hit me was the discussion that most of the time when we say we are feeling "stressed" we are really feeling "fear" of something. So, the next time I am feeling stressed, I am going to stop and ask myself, "Susan, what are you afraid of?" I am going to let God's truth speak to me about fear. He says a lot about that, you know. Stuff like "perfect love casts out fear" and "be anxious for nothing" and lots of other real stuff. Basically it goes like this...untruths or unknowns or false assumptions cause fears, fears cause stress, stress causes discomfort, no one likes to be uncomfortable, food offers a quick short-term relief or distraction...over eating occurs. I like this scenario better= life happens, fear pops up, I ask God to shed light upon what I am afraid of, He sends it fleeing or gives me courage to face the real thing that is scary, I let go of the fear and stress and relax in the understanding AND EXPERIENCE of HIM HOLDING me...I let Him feed me with what I really need...I don't go to food for something food cannot really satisfy. Oh how I long to put this understanding into action...please help me Lord...I know He will and already does. :)
The people here are great. Everyone has their own stories but we are all alike in so many ways. It is truly a gift to be here...to really allow myself to be...to be...right here...right now...and to learn to be aware of all that God has to show me. I know I am only picking up small pieces of all He is showering upon me...but the stuff I see so far is amazing...He is so good, isn't He? :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Still Here....
First off, thanks again for all of the words of encouragement I am receiving. You all are great!!!
I was a little discouraged this morning when at "weigh in" I had only lost 7 pounds. My trainers think that is great but my brain was thinking, "you have got to be kidding me...7 lbs after all of the almost-blood, sweat and tears?" They had to remind me not to let the scale be my baromater. I have lost inches...I have gained muscle....and I have lost fat.
So it isn't the big numbers that I hoped for after watching episode after episode of Biggest Loser. I don't know what they are doing on that program...I can't imagine working out more than we do here and eating less....hmmmm
I have to keep remembering that this is a process. I have to remember that change is hard and takes deciding each day to do the healthy things AND repitition (actually doing the healthy things). I have to let my brain have the time to create new pathways or habits...I have to let my body have the time to adjust to the demands set upon it now and trust this wonderful human body (which Abba Father has magnificantly created and given to each of us) to let go of what it no longer needs and to build strength and endurance and health. Our bodies want to be healthy. Our muscles want to move and grow. If I can learn to trust this "temple" He has given me because His Spirit resides in me...then I can learn to listen to it and give it what it needs to flourish.
A great and dear friend of mine sent me out here with a letter I was to open upon my arrival. I have it posted in my room where I can see it every day. I try to read it each ime I am getting ready to head out the door. It basically says that she believes I will "show up, suit up and do my bst...this is all any of us need to do to complete our journeys"...this has sort of become my theme.
So, with God's faithfulness, the incredible crowd of supporters...this is what I have done and hope to continue to do. I will continue to show up for each workout, be ready and open to learn and change, and do my best. So far, this is what I have done. Let the scales say what they say...right?
I am learning to eat intuitively (only when I am physically hungry and only until satisfied) and to do workouts with intention( being present, aware, focused on each muscle group I am working). I think being intuitive has to do with living by faith...walking in His Spirit and living with intention has to do with being His disciple 24-7...know where I am, Who's I am, and what He would have me focus on.
Isn't it amazing how everything is connected...everything is like a metaphor to something even more important.
I miss so much sometimes just becuase I don't pause, take a minute, and decide to live in the present...where He is...
blessings yall...:)
"
I was a little discouraged this morning when at "weigh in" I had only lost 7 pounds. My trainers think that is great but my brain was thinking, "you have got to be kidding me...7 lbs after all of the almost-blood, sweat and tears?" They had to remind me not to let the scale be my baromater. I have lost inches...I have gained muscle....and I have lost fat.
So it isn't the big numbers that I hoped for after watching episode after episode of Biggest Loser. I don't know what they are doing on that program...I can't imagine working out more than we do here and eating less....hmmmm
I have to keep remembering that this is a process. I have to remember that change is hard and takes deciding each day to do the healthy things AND repitition (actually doing the healthy things). I have to let my brain have the time to create new pathways or habits...I have to let my body have the time to adjust to the demands set upon it now and trust this wonderful human body (which Abba Father has magnificantly created and given to each of us) to let go of what it no longer needs and to build strength and endurance and health. Our bodies want to be healthy. Our muscles want to move and grow. If I can learn to trust this "temple" He has given me because His Spirit resides in me...then I can learn to listen to it and give it what it needs to flourish.
A great and dear friend of mine sent me out here with a letter I was to open upon my arrival. I have it posted in my room where I can see it every day. I try to read it each ime I am getting ready to head out the door. It basically says that she believes I will "show up, suit up and do my bst...this is all any of us need to do to complete our journeys"...this has sort of become my theme.
So, with God's faithfulness, the incredible crowd of supporters...this is what I have done and hope to continue to do. I will continue to show up for each workout, be ready and open to learn and change, and do my best. So far, this is what I have done. Let the scales say what they say...right?
I am learning to eat intuitively (only when I am physically hungry and only until satisfied) and to do workouts with intention( being present, aware, focused on each muscle group I am working). I think being intuitive has to do with living by faith...walking in His Spirit and living with intention has to do with being His disciple 24-7...know where I am, Who's I am, and what He would have me focus on.
Isn't it amazing how everything is connected...everything is like a metaphor to something even more important.
I miss so much sometimes just becuase I don't pause, take a minute, and decide to live in the present...where He is...
blessings yall...:)
"
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Happy Father's Day Dad
Ok, I am back. I had a nice birthday yesterday. Thanks for all the calls and texts and emails and comments and well wishes and prayers. You all are great!!!
Things are going well. Have had some down time this weekend to rest and recover...they say this next week is going to be a tough workout one. Hmmm...I wonder what they call what we just went through. You mean it can get tougher? Wow!!
Just got back from a church service with one of my friends from here. It was ok...you know how you always prefer you own church service...and when you are visiting somewhere else it even makes you like your own even better...well that is what happened. But one great thing about the service was its emphasis on Father's Day...and everyone who knows me knows how much I love my dad. He is great!! I hope and pray he is having a great day...full of fun...full of love...full of getting to see family who loves him.
My dad has had a tough couple of years...it is like he is in a marathon of physical challenges...he doesn't give up...he has taught his kids not to give up either...I am so grateful for him. When I think of him and his challenges, mine seem to be so small. Thanks Dad!!!
It is beautiful here once again. After lunch it is off for a long walk to a movie theatre. Then this evening we may hop a train and go explore downtown Salt Lake City. We did find out there is a bike shop near by so we may rent some bikes next weekend and go exploring more...
Ok, guess that is it for now. Thanks again for all the prayers and messages...you all are great. I lean on them more then you know during the week...
Things are going well. Have had some down time this weekend to rest and recover...they say this next week is going to be a tough workout one. Hmmm...I wonder what they call what we just went through. You mean it can get tougher? Wow!!
Just got back from a church service with one of my friends from here. It was ok...you know how you always prefer you own church service...and when you are visiting somewhere else it even makes you like your own even better...well that is what happened. But one great thing about the service was its emphasis on Father's Day...and everyone who knows me knows how much I love my dad. He is great!! I hope and pray he is having a great day...full of fun...full of love...full of getting to see family who loves him.
My dad has had a tough couple of years...it is like he is in a marathon of physical challenges...he doesn't give up...he has taught his kids not to give up either...I am so grateful for him. When I think of him and his challenges, mine seem to be so small. Thanks Dad!!!
It is beautiful here once again. After lunch it is off for a long walk to a movie theatre. Then this evening we may hop a train and go explore downtown Salt Lake City. We did find out there is a bike shop near by so we may rent some bikes next weekend and go exploring more...
Ok, guess that is it for now. Thanks again for all the prayers and messages...you all are great. I lean on them more then you know during the week...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Ups and Down...Guess this is Normal
After my very emotional and difficult Tuesday night, I had a great day on Wednesday. The workouts were all very tough but I was able to stay challenged by them and not feel defeated. I think it was great to get some rest...perhaps that is why I was able to enjoy yesterday so much.
Today has been a long day and good in many ways. We went on another mountain hike which was tough on my knees but great on my eyes...the views were magnificant. I think any Texan would love being able to walk in 40-50 degree temperature while gazing at snow-capped mountains in the middle of June. It is GREAT!!!
We had another group session with our therapist. It was really good...all about staying in touch with ourselves...staying aware...learning or relearning to trust the wonderful interworkings of these human bodies God has created. If we listen to our bodies...they really will tell us when to eat and what, when to rest, when to take time away to listen clearly to God...and when to get up and move, move, move.
So many of us who have spent most of our lives so focused on dieting or weightloss that we have lost touch with trusting what God has already given us. We start looking for fads or doctors or trainers or... to tell us how to live in a healthy way. It doesn't have to be that complicated, does it? Food doesn't have to mean more than fuel...it really can be that simple.
Did you know that bad habits actually become biological...actually become part of our brain's wiring? Our actions, thoughts, beliefs all have these neurological pathways that because of repitition get kind of carved into our brain's make up. In order to change our bad habits, faulty beliefs,unhealthy thinking...we have to start building new pathways in our brains. And that takes Deciding and Repition. Deciding to do something different and then doing the healthy thing again and again and again. Research has shown that it takes anywhere from 21 days to 66 days to really get a start on a new pattern being formed in the brain. When we choose to not repeat the new habit, our brain automatically defaults back to the old pattern. That explains a lot, I think.
Anyway, I know this isn't new for all of my therapist friends out there. This coginitive behavioral stuff is "old hat"...we talk about it all the time. Guess it takes me back to perspective again. Hearing it here in this place, as part of this process...is like hearing it for the first time. :)
Ok, I gotta go spin and swim and then I have my first massage tonight. :)
Hope you all are doing well...thanks for cheering for me...
Today has been a long day and good in many ways. We went on another mountain hike which was tough on my knees but great on my eyes...the views were magnificant. I think any Texan would love being able to walk in 40-50 degree temperature while gazing at snow-capped mountains in the middle of June. It is GREAT!!!
We had another group session with our therapist. It was really good...all about staying in touch with ourselves...staying aware...learning or relearning to trust the wonderful interworkings of these human bodies God has created. If we listen to our bodies...they really will tell us when to eat and what, when to rest, when to take time away to listen clearly to God...and when to get up and move, move, move.
So many of us who have spent most of our lives so focused on dieting or weightloss that we have lost touch with trusting what God has already given us. We start looking for fads or doctors or trainers or... to tell us how to live in a healthy way. It doesn't have to be that complicated, does it? Food doesn't have to mean more than fuel...it really can be that simple.
Did you know that bad habits actually become biological...actually become part of our brain's wiring? Our actions, thoughts, beliefs all have these neurological pathways that because of repitition get kind of carved into our brain's make up. In order to change our bad habits, faulty beliefs,unhealthy thinking...we have to start building new pathways in our brains. And that takes Deciding and Repition. Deciding to do something different and then doing the healthy thing again and again and again. Research has shown that it takes anywhere from 21 days to 66 days to really get a start on a new pattern being formed in the brain. When we choose to not repeat the new habit, our brain automatically defaults back to the old pattern. That explains a lot, I think.
Anyway, I know this isn't new for all of my therapist friends out there. This coginitive behavioral stuff is "old hat"...we talk about it all the time. Guess it takes me back to perspective again. Hearing it here in this place, as part of this process...is like hearing it for the first time. :)
Ok, I gotta go spin and swim and then I have my first massage tonight. :)
Hope you all are doing well...thanks for cheering for me...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Day Two...first wall
So, I had difficulty blogging from my laptop because I kept getting cut off before finishing. So, now I have checked in from the "business area" here and noticed they were saved so I was able to go ahead and post them. So, if things seemed a little weird, that is why.
Ok, so here is day two...
7:15 snack and mile walk to gym
7:30-8:30 Killer upper body workout
8:30-9:00 Mile walk back to breakfast
9:00-9:30 Breakfast
9:30-10:30 Another kick-butt water workout Snack
10:30-12:00 Snooze and shower and snooze and ice...
12:00 Lunch
12:30-2:00 Group with Therapist
2:00-3:00 Trip to track to Walk,Walk,Walk...I did at least two more miles...It was not fun.Snack
3:00-5:00 Down time for showers, ice etc.
5:00-5:30 Dinner
5:30-7:30 OPtional trip to gym for class of choice. (I stayed back to rest and do laundry. :)
So, all the food is prepared for us and we eat like a family, all sitting together. They serve us for the most part. It is usually a small piece of meat and a big salad for lunch and dinner. Breakfast seems to be the most substantial fare...sometimes a muffin with egg and sausage and sometimes cereal and fruit and yougurt. Our snacks have consisted of small bars, fruit with cheese, or hummus and rice crackers. It is kind of weird and difficult to trust the process and to trust that the food is enough when we are working out so hard all day...and feeling hungry often. But so far, so good. :)
So after my 3:00-5:00 break today, I just didn't feel good. I didn't feel hungry for dinner and I just started feeling very emotional. They are teaching us here to listen to our bodies...to get to know them again...so I pulled Eve (head trainer) to the side and let her know how I was feeling. She said I had worked very hard since I have been here and that I absolutely needed to give myself a break...listen...and take the evening off. So here I am.
It is weird. My stuff is starting to come up for sure. Even though they tell us not to compare ourselves to each other, to stay focused and remeber why we each came...it is difficult for me not to care where I am in the walking line to the gym...or how many reps I can do compared to others. The therapist today talked to us about building new pathways in our thinking in order to combat old patterns of thinking that have gotten us to where we are today. It was not new information but sitting in that group of people, definitely gave me a different perspective on this material.
so, I think i have hit my first physical and emotional wall today. They all have said that the first week is really the toughest.
Several times today I have been reminded of why I am here and also of all of the friends and family that are cheering for me back home. I have all the cards and letters hanging up in my room. I am wearing a very special wristband that a dear friend has given me for this time. These things have become so important already.
I am glad I am here. It is hard. It is good. God is here with me. Thanks...
Ok, so here is day two...
7:15 snack and mile walk to gym
7:30-8:30 Killer upper body workout
8:30-9:00 Mile walk back to breakfast
9:00-9:30 Breakfast
9:30-10:30 Another kick-butt water workout Snack
10:30-12:00 Snooze and shower and snooze and ice...
12:00 Lunch
12:30-2:00 Group with Therapist
2:00-3:00 Trip to track to Walk,Walk,Walk...I did at least two more miles...It was not fun.Snack
3:00-5:00 Down time for showers, ice etc.
5:00-5:30 Dinner
5:30-7:30 OPtional trip to gym for class of choice. (I stayed back to rest and do laundry. :)
So, all the food is prepared for us and we eat like a family, all sitting together. They serve us for the most part. It is usually a small piece of meat and a big salad for lunch and dinner. Breakfast seems to be the most substantial fare...sometimes a muffin with egg and sausage and sometimes cereal and fruit and yougurt. Our snacks have consisted of small bars, fruit with cheese, or hummus and rice crackers. It is kind of weird and difficult to trust the process and to trust that the food is enough when we are working out so hard all day...and feeling hungry often. But so far, so good. :)
So after my 3:00-5:00 break today, I just didn't feel good. I didn't feel hungry for dinner and I just started feeling very emotional. They are teaching us here to listen to our bodies...to get to know them again...so I pulled Eve (head trainer) to the side and let her know how I was feeling. She said I had worked very hard since I have been here and that I absolutely needed to give myself a break...listen...and take the evening off. So here I am.
It is weird. My stuff is starting to come up for sure. Even though they tell us not to compare ourselves to each other, to stay focused and remeber why we each came...it is difficult for me not to care where I am in the walking line to the gym...or how many reps I can do compared to others. The therapist today talked to us about building new pathways in our thinking in order to combat old patterns of thinking that have gotten us to where we are today. It was not new information but sitting in that group of people, definitely gave me a different perspective on this material.
so, I think i have hit my first physical and emotional wall today. They all have said that the first week is really the toughest.
Several times today I have been reminded of why I am here and also of all of the friends and family that are cheering for me back home. I have all the cards and letters hanging up in my room. I am wearing a very special wristband that a dear friend has given me for this time. These things have become so important already.
I am glad I am here. It is hard. It is good. God is here with me. Thanks...
Monday, June 14, 2010
Got Here....Got Stated
Ok everyone, I made it here yesterday just in time for unpacking and hitting the gym. The place is great, folks are nice, and I can see snow capped mountains in every direction.
Started a blog last night about something God was showing me about "perspective". Somehow my computer deleted it while I was writing and I was too tired to try again. So, I have waited until tonight to try again.
Basically some of the things I was thinking about had to do with how our views of things change as we move on in our journies...And God was letting me know that this was normal and expected. For instance, the mountains looked much different from the airplane than they did today while I was hiking in those mountains. I think God wants me to be open to this process...open to seeing things from different perspectives...open to new understandings and insights. He wants to open up so new things to me that I could maybe only really see clearly while here. So, I have been meditating upon how perspective changes things. And I know, that the closer I grow in my relationship with Jesus, then the more able I will be to see and understand from His way...His truth...His life.
So anyway, that is what I was blogging about last night.
Our day is basically as follows:
7:15 Snack and mile walk to gym
7:30-8:30 Intense workout at the gym (I am a sweaty mess)
8:30-9:00 walk back to our place for breakfast
9:00-9:30 Breakfast
9:30-10:30 One our cardio workout Snack
10:30-12:00 Showers and Ice packs
12:00-12:30 Lunch
12:30-1:00 Book Study "intuitive eating"
1:00-3:00 Hike in mountains :) Snack
3:30-5:00 Personal Time (Shower, Sleep, ice etc.)
5:00-5:30 Dinner
5:30-7:30 To gym for a class. I picked Water Excersise. Surprisingly, it kicked my butt.
snack
8:00 Back to my room for shower, rest, and to sleep early
Slept great....and oh, ya, there was ibuprofen thrown in there along the way as well.
That was it for day one...:)
Started a blog last night about something God was showing me about "perspective". Somehow my computer deleted it while I was writing and I was too tired to try again. So, I have waited until tonight to try again.
Basically some of the things I was thinking about had to do with how our views of things change as we move on in our journies...And God was letting me know that this was normal and expected. For instance, the mountains looked much different from the airplane than they did today while I was hiking in those mountains. I think God wants me to be open to this process...open to seeing things from different perspectives...open to new understandings and insights. He wants to open up so new things to me that I could maybe only really see clearly while here. So, I have been meditating upon how perspective changes things. And I know, that the closer I grow in my relationship with Jesus, then the more able I will be to see and understand from His way...His truth...His life.
So anyway, that is what I was blogging about last night.
Our day is basically as follows:
7:15 Snack and mile walk to gym
7:30-8:30 Intense workout at the gym (I am a sweaty mess)
8:30-9:00 walk back to our place for breakfast
9:00-9:30 Breakfast
9:30-10:30 One our cardio workout Snack
10:30-12:00 Showers and Ice packs
12:00-12:30 Lunch
12:30-1:00 Book Study "intuitive eating"
1:00-3:00 Hike in mountains :) Snack
3:30-5:00 Personal Time (Shower, Sleep, ice etc.)
5:00-5:30 Dinner
5:30-7:30 To gym for a class. I picked Water Excersise. Surprisingly, it kicked my butt.
snack
8:00 Back to my room for shower, rest, and to sleep early
Slept great....and oh, ya, there was ibuprofen thrown in there along the way as well.
That was it for day one...:)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Perspective
While I was flying up here today, I had the best time looking out of the plane window. I flew over some beautiful mountains and gorges. I started thinking about "perspective". Perspective really does change so many things.
Mountains are mountains whether or not I am flying over them or hiking through them. Of course hiking would give me a much more intimate knowledge of the mountain, but the view of the mountain from above,nevertheless is also a valid part of what it means to be a mountain.
I remember seeing something up ahead that I just knew had to be a river, and yet when we flew closer, I could see it was only a shadow thrown by the sheer cliff of one side of a mountain. A new perspective can sometimes shed knew meaning and understanding and also correct a false belief that was held earlier.
And so today I think God spoke to me through the mountains. I think He is wanting me to be open to change...to not be shocked if after moving in a different directions, things seem to be a little different. He wants me to know that walking with Him implies movement...implies venturing after Him into sometime high places and sometime low places...and each place has its own "view of things" or perspective. He wants me to remember that His perspective is the really only true one. When I am close to Him, I can see things more the way He sees them.
Mountains are mountains whether or not I am flying over them or hiking through them. Of course hiking would give me a much more intimate knowledge of the mountain, but the view of the mountain from above,nevertheless is also a valid part of what it means to be a mountain.
I remember seeing something up ahead that I just knew had to be a river, and yet when we flew closer, I could see it was only a shadow thrown by the sheer cliff of one side of a mountain. A new perspective can sometimes shed knew meaning and understanding and also correct a false belief that was held earlier.
And so today I think God spoke to me through the mountains. I think He is wanting me to be open to change...to not be shocked if after moving in a different directions, things seem to be a little different. He wants me to know that walking with Him implies movement...implies venturing after Him into sometime high places and sometime low places...and each place has its own "view of things" or perspective. He wants me to remember that His perspective is the really only true one. When I am close to Him, I can see things more the way He sees them.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tomorrow's the Big Day....YIKES!!!
Ok, so now I can feel my heart beating inside me...kind of racing...kind of like how it feels right before I get ready to do something for the very first time...the first time I gave a presentation...the first time I led worship...the first time I went on a home visit to a family in crisis...the first time I flew to Central America...the first time I went down that really steep water slide at Schlitterbaun...you get the drift, right?
My brain has been working hard to remember to try and get all the loose ends tied up before I go. Ask friends to take care of my home and pets, stop the mail, pay the bills, do laundry, pack and repack...
It is such a process. Today I started thinking, "wow, I can't wait to get there and relax". Relax??? I will have to get back to you on how that worked out. :)
In the past two days I have had the best time meeting with friends and family. Everyone is so excited for me and genuinely happy for me. It is like my heart has been just soaking in this amazing love and joy. I feel so absolutely humbled and grateful.
So thank you God...for being so absolutely faithful to me during my entire life. And thank You now for giving me this amazing experience...the entire experience...the days before, during and after Utah. I ask that you would just bless everyone who is sharing in this experience with me. Reveal Yourself to them in amazing ways. Knock their socks off with Your absolutely unrelenting love for each of them. Bring back dreams to them and fill them with hope and adventure and a new desire to walk with You and know Your heart in all things. You are AWESOME!!! You AMAZE me!! Thank You for loving me so much this week through so many people!!! WOW...All I can say is WOW...
My brain has been working hard to remember to try and get all the loose ends tied up before I go. Ask friends to take care of my home and pets, stop the mail, pay the bills, do laundry, pack and repack...
It is such a process. Today I started thinking, "wow, I can't wait to get there and relax". Relax??? I will have to get back to you on how that worked out. :)
In the past two days I have had the best time meeting with friends and family. Everyone is so excited for me and genuinely happy for me. It is like my heart has been just soaking in this amazing love and joy. I feel so absolutely humbled and grateful.
So thank you God...for being so absolutely faithful to me during my entire life. And thank You now for giving me this amazing experience...the entire experience...the days before, during and after Utah. I ask that you would just bless everyone who is sharing in this experience with me. Reveal Yourself to them in amazing ways. Knock their socks off with Your absolutely unrelenting love for each of them. Bring back dreams to them and fill them with hope and adventure and a new desire to walk with You and know Your heart in all things. You are AWESOME!!! You AMAZE me!! Thank You for loving me so much this week through so many people!!! WOW...All I can say is WOW...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tick, Tick, Tick...Still Counting Down
The word "gift" kept floating around in my heart and mind today. It was as if God kept reminding me of what I had named this blog. It was like He was asking me all day, "Hey, you know why I had you call it a gift? You know why I put that title in your mind?"
So He and I sort of dialogued together as I walked through my work day. Here are a few of the gifts He pointed out to me today---
...life...family...friends...health...laughter...thought...feelings...smiles...community...dogs...communication...love...peace...excitement...stories...children...songs...nature...freedom to express myself...freedom to dream...freedom to become who I am in Him...His sweet Spirit...His presence...
Gifts are to be received, to be held, to be opened, to be springboards of adoration and worship to the giver of all gifts!!
There is a childlike expectancy starting to grow inside this heart of mine as I think about Sunday morning...flying away to UTAH. I feel like a child looking forward to Christmas...even knowing in my adult mind that 5-7 hours of physical training a day isn't going to be exactly like finding a brand new bb gun under the tree. :)But I am starting to see that the physical part of the gift, is just going to be the wrapping paper...the good stuff is hidden inside. :)
So He and I sort of dialogued together as I walked through my work day. Here are a few of the gifts He pointed out to me today---
...life...family...friends...health...laughter...thought...feelings...smiles...community...dogs...communication...love...peace...excitement...stories...children...songs...nature...freedom to express myself...freedom to dream...freedom to become who I am in Him...His sweet Spirit...His presence...
Gifts are to be received, to be held, to be opened, to be springboards of adoration and worship to the giver of all gifts!!
There is a childlike expectancy starting to grow inside this heart of mine as I think about Sunday morning...flying away to UTAH. I feel like a child looking forward to Christmas...even knowing in my adult mind that 5-7 hours of physical training a day isn't going to be exactly like finding a brand new bb gun under the tree. :)But I am starting to see that the physical part of the gift, is just going to be the wrapping paper...the good stuff is hidden inside. :)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Getting Ready To Go
Ok, the countdown has started. Next week at this time, I will be in Utah attending a three week long fitness and weightloss camp. Being a fan of the Biggest Loser show, I often entertained the idea of auditioning and purhaps being chosen for that amazing journey. Now that I actually am signed up to go to such a place, reality is starting to set in. I know it will be amazing. I know God will go before me and be with me each and every step. I know I will be sore and "my flesh" will cry out as I go through the agonizing detoxification process. I know my soul will be nourished as I spend time listening to the heart He has placed within me, listening to the air He supplies for my every breath, and seeing the amazing work of His hand in the beautiful landscapes. And I know I will ride a roller coaster of emotions as He leads me into this time of discovery, reclamation, and healing.
As I write this right now, I feel excited, humbled, grateful and anxious all at the same time. I pray that He would fill me with childlike wonder and courage...
As I write this right now, I feel excited, humbled, grateful and anxious all at the same time. I pray that He would fill me with childlike wonder and courage...
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